I’m not sure how to start this. I’ve tried to set the right mood, but no matter where I go, what I turn on, or how I’m sitting I just don’t feel it. Maybe because It’s a hard subject to write about, maybe because I’m not ready to write about it. But either way, changes are going to be made, and for the better. This blog is a little different then most. I will be covering every aspect of my life and how I’m going to change it. This is more for me then for my readers, either way, it just needs to get out. This week has really opened my eyes.
My friends, I have a lot of friends. But I have come to realize that I’m growing apart from everyone. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m no fun to be around, or maybe I’m too much fun, or maybe they are more mature than me, or maybe I have come to be more mature than them. I’m not sure but I guess it’s time to be on my own socially. Which sucks because I love being around people. I think that new friends are a must. I just need to find people that bring out the good in me. I mean, I still love and hope to hang out with my old friends but I mean I cant stop the inevitable I know everyone grows apart at some time.
Family, my family is fucked, were screwed, we have shit in our past. I cant tell if I just want things to be normal, or if I want to keep as much space as possible. Or maybe a little of both. I want things to be normal, I would really like that, and I know that there is a lot I would have to do on my part. But, I want more than anything to be on my own because It seems that every little thing that they help me with is the one thing that keeps me from going much further. The one little thing they help me with turns out being “all the shit I help you with and do for you” I just wish people would step back and look at themselves and see how ridiculously stupid they can be. Maybe that’s not the right thing to say but that’s exactly how I feel.
My lover. Everything is going amazing here. I love this man more than I could love anything or anyone. He is my entire world. My universe, the one person that I know will always be there. I have really realized how much I love this man, and every day, I fall in love with him just a little more. And it’s an amazing feeling. I love that it’s not “if” were going to get married its not “if” we live together it’s not “if” we grow old together. It’s when. and it’s coming. Johns almost done with school, I got a job. We can finally start the life we have been looking forward too. Absolutely nothing needs to change here. <3
Work. I’m going to put my all into this job. I am so excited to start, so excited to finally have an income so I can start saving for John and I’s life. And I’m very excited to work at Spencer’s. I like Spencer’s because I don’t have to be someone I’m not, I don’t have to dress like a business women, I can keep my piercing. I mean I know I still have to act professional, but that’s just having respect and being responsible, I do that anyway. Either way, I’m excited to be apart of the team. Even if just about everyone there would rather work at Hot Topic (which frankly I don’t see why).
Driving, I’m so excited to finally learn, my nana has told me that she is going to take me out and teach me a little something. And so Is john, I just have to get my permit back from Justin 
GED, Since I got a job, I’m not going back to highschool, I’m going to continue trying to get my GED with the help of some friends and a math tutor. I’m going to call up on it tomorrow.
Basically whats changing is the mental growing up part. It’s time I make the transition to partial mentality of an adult to full. I mean I still plan on having fun and going to shows of all kinds and still having fun. I just need to focus more on my responsibilities. Oh and this weekend, I’m getting an ipod. I’m stoked. I had to sell my last one because I really needed the money.
Thanks for reading and following. I get about 200-400 views on this thing everyday So I know someone out there is reading and can relate. I wish you the very best.
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