Sobriety is a bitch.

I Have been listening to this song non stop. Check it.

Sobriety.  There’s two different kinds. Theres the kind in which you just look at life around you and go, “ OH SHIT! I need to wake the fuck up and DO something.” and then theres the kind when you sober up from alcohol (Alkaboooooze) and/or Drugs and just wanna sleep the day away.

 

I am suffering from both at the moment. I’m actually quite torn in half. I wanna party. I wanna live the ultimate life. And I have had every chance to do so. I want to go out, I want to not have a care in the world for one night and during this night, I want to not remember what I did the next day. I want to let loose. This is a big reason why I don’t want kids. They suck, they stop you from sexy time, they make you fat, they are TERRIBLE things.

This past week I have been intoxicated everyday and just sat back and listened to dubstep, I sat there and I believe every thought that could possibly come through my mind did. I thought about everything and what I really want.  I thought about this glamorous party life I could have, the trips I could take with the rock stars I meet, the news headlines I could make. I could easily attain fame by association, hell maybe even get my own reality show.

And then theres the life that is more…responsible. The life where I have the basics, I get my high school diploma, can drive and work at a store for a year and a half and then go to spokane to live with john. But just because it’s the rest of my life with john, it all seems worth it. To throw away all the possible partying, the care freeness, everything.

Right now, I’m definitely stuck in between worlds. When john’s not here in town, I hang out with my friends Trish and Vaughn (Below) and we always have a good time, we usually just linger to parks. Bored. But still we always have a good time. The chances that Trish and I usually have to party it up we do, and usually the night ends in pointless conversations with guys who wish I was single. I never get crazy if Johns not there.

 

Anyway, Trish and I tomorrow are going to our first Rave? Electronica show? I’m not sure which it is. but I’m excited for the turnout. It should be fun, a lot of my friends are going. I’ll post a pic to how I dress up. nothing too racy, probably just a pink tank with some short ass shorts. haha, ass shorts.

 

Back on the subject of two worlds though, It’s like, Im postponing everything in the responsible world just to have one last hurrah in the party world. But that one last hurrah hasn’t came yet. Maybe it will tomorrow. Maybe not. Either way, next week I’m getting back down to business. Im scared. but…I think im more afraid of becoming an adult. I don’t want to let go quite yet, I don’t have any safety nets below me anymore.

In other news: My youtube sucks because I cant figure out how to upload videos where the audio is synced up with the video.

I got a new sketchbook.

I love dubstep.

And I had a really fucking cool interview, and I really hope I hear back from them.